Ultimate Deadpool
by Blackthorn14
Summary: After a file containing every Shield agents identity is stolen, it is up to Spidergirl and Deadpool to recover it. But can Penny Parker really handle the Merc with a mouth all by herself? Based on Series 2 Episode 16 of Ultimate Spider; Ultimate Deadpool, but with Peter as a girl called Penny. Fem!Spiderman some implied Spideypool


_Authors Note: I've been going back and forth about whether to post this or not, because to be honest I don't consider it my best work, but I thought I might as well since there aren't a lot of Fem!Spiderman fics out there._ _Not part of the Red and Blue universe this fic is based on the Ultimate Spiderman Episode Ultimate Deadpool, but written as though Peter was a girl named Penny._ _I actually really liked the Deadpool in Ultimate Spiderman, I know some people were upset about him being made 'kid friendly' but I think he was pretty good and the Will Friedle was obviously have a lot of fun with the part (though Nolan North is probably better for the 'Mature' audience Deadpool). The episode itself though…had problems. I'm sorry but a list of every shield agent's identity? They would be taking that waaay more seriously! So I decided to have a go at fixing the ep a little, and adding in Penny cause I prefer writing her over Peter :P_ _Written from the first person point of view because the episodes are normally from Peter's viewpoint. I wrote a lot of this at work while I had nothing else to do (this was a work experience placement so I wasn't getting paid and the reason I had no work was that it was all done, I'm too efficient for my own good sometimes :P) so I'm aware I got a few details from the ep wrong (like I'm pretty sure Taskmaster's base isn't actually on a island)._ _Anyway…enjoy! :)_

"So today is turning out to be a pretty crappy day." I though to myself as I ran through the halls of the helicarrier. Not only was I 100% broke after using the last of my photo money to pay off our heating bill, I was also completely soaked and late for training, which meant I was 100% dead. It wasn't my fault the rain always slowed me down, not that I was planning on admitting that to my team mates, I mean I get enough itsy bitsy spider jokes as it is!

I turned the corner, and for a second it looked as though Nova hadn't arrived yet.

"Great" I thought "Bucket head can be up first in training instead of me." However, as soon as I entered the training room bucket head came was just floating into view. I swear he was hiding just to mess with me.

Hey there web head—woah, what smells like wet dog." Nova asked, landing a few feet in front of me only to then taking a step back.

"Wet Spider." I said, taking off my mask and wringing it out. I really need to find a way to make my suit water proof.

"Oh man, you look like a drowned rat." Nova said laughing, and I resisted the urge to throw my wet mask in his face.

"Ah Spidergirl, nice of you to join us." Coulson said from his view point above the training centre. "You know the rules; last here, first up."

"I also know that that rule would be a lot fairer if the rest of my team didn't live on the helicarrier!" I thought, but before I could say anything out loud, four robots appeared and started taking shots at me.

"Good luck, wet head!" Nova said following the others out for a completely undeserved break.

After twenty minuets of what can only be described as me having my ass handed to me, I finally smashed the last robot.

"Good job Spidergirl, take five and I'll get the next four set up." Coulson said. I glared at him but I knew he couldn't see it behind my mask. A five minuet break was a joke, but I knew if he said anything he'd give me a lecture about there being no breaks in battle. He could be so sadistic sometimes, I had no idea what my aunt saw in him.

Holding my tongue I headed to the mission room, hoping to sit down and maybe take a two minutes nap. However as I walk up I heard something I'd never heard in the mission room before, laughter, a lot of laughter.

"And then I burst out of the coffin and punched that monkey in his smug little monkey face." A guy I didn't recognise said. He was in a black and red suit, and looked to be around my age, but it was always hard to tell when someone was in costume.

"But that was nothing, last week I took down Doctor Doom and-"

"Doc doom? Really?" Nova said, still laughing from the previous story.

"Yeah ofcourse, look I even got video." The man said, pulling out a Starkpad and showing off a video of Doc Doom admitting defeat before the great 'Deadpool', which would have been impressive, had the Doc Doom on the screen not very obviously been a sock puppet.

"Um…" I said, having absolute no idea what to make of the display before me.

"Woah, so you are the newbie huh?" The guy said, jumping down from the table and circling me.

"Oh you smell like a damp attic I had to live in once, here let me help you out." He said, pulling out a can of something and spraying me with it.

"Hey! What is that!" I coughed, stepping out of the weird smelling cloud.

"This, is Ode to Deadpool. So now you can smell like the hero you wish you were."

"Right, well thanks but I think I prefer the wet dog smell."

"Suit yourself. Speaking of which, for someone who doesn't want to smell like me, you sure do dress a lot like me." The guy said, circling again and pulling on my costume. "Oh I get it, you must be one of my fangirls!"

"Your what?" I asked confused.

"No need to be embarrassed, you aren't the first girl to fall for the manly charms of Deadpool." The guy, who having said it three times I realised must be called Deadpool, said. "But alas, me and Tiger are already bffs" he added, pulling a rose out of one of his pouches and giving it to Tiger.

"Look, I'd never even heard of you before today. I designed this costume myself, I'm not a fangirl." I said, trying to gauge Tiger's expression through her mask. I'd never really seen her show an interest in a guy, and I couldn't really believe that this was her type.

"Oh really? Black eyes, red suit, though you've got a weird crossword pattern going on—oh it is a web! Cause you are a spider, clever!" Deadpool said, grabbing my arm and staring at it intently.

"Don't mind Deadpool Spidey, he is just kidding around." Powerman said "That's just his way."

"So you guys all know him?" I asked, pulling my arm out of his grasp.

"Yeah, he was on the team before you were." Luke explained "But now he is off living the dream. Free lance superheroing."

"That's right, Deadpool super hero supreme! Nick Fury trained me up from nothing, I'm basically like a son to him, but I out grew the nest and had to spread my super hero wings else where. Alone" Dead pool explained, theatrically, even deepening his voice for the alone part.

"And now I'm just here to pick something up and I'll be on my way!" Had added, doing a back flip into a chair and putting some kind of device into one of the computers.

"Is he for real?" I asked.

"Yeah Deadpools great!" Nova said smiling.

"He is a actually a very talented fighting, if a little wild." Ironfist added. Somehow I thought wild was probably an understatement.

"He was the first guy Fury recruited; it is true what he said about him training him. He is probably the toughest fighter we know." White Tiger said, but I couldn't help but the notice the rose had been discarded. Looks like Deadpool wasn't her type after all, and I can hardly blame her for that.

"Welp boys and girls, it has been fun but I've got a job too do." Deadpool said, standing up from computer. "That list isn't going to get itself back."

"List?" I asked.

"Yeah, the rogue Shield agent, Agent Maguffin, has been selling shield secrets, including a file that lists every agent and superhero's identities." Deadpool explained.

"What?!" I almost yelled. "All our identities! This is serious, why aren't we on this?!"

"Nick is trying to keep it on the down low, seeing as the file was stolen when he left his stark pad in the bath room." Deadpool said, though it was obvious he had made that up. Fury would never be that careless.

"Fury probably figures while Deadpool is on it, we don't need to be." Nova said, yawning slightly.

"If Fury thought Deadpool needed our help, he'd have sent us. But he hasn't ." White Tiger said "We are probably better off training and getting stronger than going after some silly list anyway."

I stared at the group horrified, I could hardly believe what I was hearing, a list with all our identities on it wasn't 'silly', it was giant time bomb that would endanger all our friends and family.

"I'm not sure you guys are getting how bad it would be if this list got out." I said, a little annoyed at their casual attitude. "Look Deadpool, maybe I could come along, you might need back up."

"Oh I smell team up!" Deadpool said happily "It'll be like we are in a terrible fanfic based off a mediocre show!"

"Um sure.." I said. Yeah there was no way I was letting this idiot go alone.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0

Forty minutes and a fun game of 'dodge-Coulson-so-he doesn't-put-me-back-in-training' later, we were in Deadpool's private plane, heading for who knows where.

"I can't believe you have a private place." I said, wishing I had a private plane, maybe that way I wouldn't be late to training so often.

"Believe it baby, got this sweet ride from Tony Stark." Deadpool said from the seat in front of me.

"He gave you a plane? He never gave me a plane…gave me a iron spider suit once, but I sort of…broke it…and some buildings. Anyway this is really cool."

"Hey when you go freelance you get all sorts of perks. Also moooney!" Deadpool said, throwing a bunch of cash up in the air.

"Money?! You get paid to do this?! How do you get paid to do this?!" I said. If I got paid to be superhero then all my money problems would be over, no more selling pictures to the Daily Bugle so they could bad mouth me and lots of being able to keep Aunt May in the black.

"Ah you have lots to learn grasshopper." Deadpool said. "This seems like a good time for an origin story yeeeah!"

"Well really I just wanted to know about the mon—"

"It all started when I born. I was a normal baby, for about 20 seconds and then my momma was stolen by ninjas."

"Oh that's sucks, why?"

"What?"

"Why was she kidnapped? Was she a hero too?"

"Hell no, she was just some chick. Ninja's don't need a reason to kidnap people you know."

"I'm pretty sure they do."

"Shhh no talking during story time. Anyway, they were about to drag her off when I drew my swords and—"

"Woah wait wait, at less then an hour old you couldn't even lift your head, let alone hold a sword. Also why would there be a sword anywhere near a baby in a hospital?"

"You know I don't point out plotholes in your origin story."

"That's cause I've never told you mine."

"Yeah you have. Your parents were shot in front of you after a theatre perfor—"

"That is batman's origin story."

"Oh right, well you are the last son of—"

"I'm not the last 'son' of anything, and I'm also gonna hazard a guess that you are confusing me with superman."

"Oh right…your"

"I'm not an amazon princess either, nor was I chosen by the green lantern ring. I get the feeling you read a lot of comic books."

"Well yeah comics are awesome!"

"Ok that you are right about."

"Yaaay! You know I like you, you are more fun than an empty seat." Deadpool said, looking back at me.

"Not much of a compliment but I'll take it." I said, smiling to myself. I had to admit, Deadpool was sort of fun, even if I did question his sanity. Unfortunately for us, fun time was about to come to an end, as a second later the whole ship was surrounded by flying men with masks and jet packs.

"Looks like we've got trouble." I said.

"Ah don't worry about is Spidey, what are they gonna do out there? We are perfectly safe in here." Deadpool said calmly. A second later, his question was answered when the men began shooting lazers at out plane.

"Well evidently what they are going to do is attack the plane and make us crash." I said, hanging on for dear life.

"Oh right…um..ok! Time for plan b!" Deadpool said, trying to keep the plane stable.

"Oh good you have a plan! What is plan b?" I asked

"Improvise!" Deadpool said, pressing the seat eject button.

"This is a terrible plan!" I screamed as we flew up into the air.

"Oh come on Spidey, where is your sense of adventure? Banzai!" Deadpool said, tackling two of the mask men out of the sky and removing their jet packs. Following suit, I webbed the packs of several others, causing them to begin losing altitude at a rate that shouldn't kill them, but would probably have really hurt if we weren't over water.

"You know these guy's masks look sort of like Taskmasters." I said, kicking one guy in the face as he made grab for me. At a time like this I was glad I was used to arial battles, even if they did normally involve a lot less wind and falling.

"Well they are his students, must be a vanity thing." Deadpool said, grabbing the leg of one of the men and using him to knock two others out of his way.

"Taskmaster's students? They work for Agent Maguffin?" I asked.

"No they work for Taskmaster, duh! This is his island."

"What? I thought you said we were going after the agent!" I yelled. I'd only fought Taskmaster once before, and it had been a tough battle. Taskmaster has the ability to learn other people moves, making him stronger the longer a battle goes on. Last time me and White Tiger were able to out smart him, but it was unlikely the same trick would work on him again.

"No I said Agent Maguffin stole the list. Task Master bought it off him." Deadpool explained. I felt my stomach drop faster than we were falling. During our last encounter, TaskMaster had offered me the chance to join him as his student, which I had of course turned down, but if that guy knew my real identity, he could force me to join him by threatening Aunt May or someone else close to me.

"How long has he had this list?!" I asked, trying to swallow my panic.

"A couple hours, but it is encrypted. He wouldn't have got into it yet." Deadpool explained.

"Well we need to get there before he does!" I said "So um…did this improvisation plan come with a way for us to land safely?" I added, looking down at the quickly approaching ground.

"Well I have a Parachute, I'm not sure what you are doing." Deadpool said, pulling said parachute and floating away with a wave.

"Wait!" I yelled, making a grab for him, but I knew it was too late. He was too far away.

"Ok Penny, think think. You have webs! Web…something." I thought, but it was no good. This was a island, there were no tall buildings, nothing to web that would stop me from hitting the floor in time.

"Ok ok plan b…" I thought, starting to panic. "Improvisation!" I yelled, shooting my webs into the air and doing my best to arrange them in a way that would slow me down. After a few seconds I had what worked as a passable parachute and slowed my decent, just in time to not kill myself hitting the ground.

"Hey Spidey!" Deadpool said, floating slightly above me to the left.

"Hey, thanks for the help there!" I said, glaring at him from behind my mask.

"Aww don't be mad, I knew you could handle it! I mean, I bet you could handle all sorts of stuff, like for example someone setting you parachute on fire." Deadpool said, pulling a can out of one of his pouches.

"You wouldn't! Deadpool don't you dare!" I yelled.

"Hm….I dare!" Deadpool said, spraying fire on my parachute. It went up in less than a second, and I begun to fall again.

"Aim for the leafy part!" Deadpool yelled from above me. If I survived this, I swore I was going to use that can to burn out his tongue.

Luckily for me, the parachute had taken me most of the way down, so the fall that was left wouldn't kill me. It would however, be very painful, especially if I hit a tree, which I did.

"Ow…" I said, pulling myself up.

"Wow, good job you aren't SpiderMAN huh?" Deadpool said, gesturing the branch that had hit me right between the legs.

"I was almost Spider dead! What was that for!" I yelled.

"The lulz" Deadpool said, shrugging shoulders like it was no big deal. "Now come on, time to go be big heroes and get that list back! For Asgard!" He added, running off into the forest. I let out a sigh and followed on behind, because honestly, what else could I do at this point?

It took us an hour to reach TaskMaster lair, mainly due Deadpool leading us in a circle a full three times before I took over the lead. The building we found looked a little like an army training base, with what seemed like an obstacle course surrounding the centre building.

"I'd ask what the plan is, but I'm gonna go ahead and guess you don't have one." I said, hiding out of sight with Deadpool amongst the trees.

"Ofcourse I have a plan! We go in there, un alive a bunch of people and walk out with the list." Deadpool said, pulling his swords.

"Un alive? You mean kill!" I said shocked.

"Shh, we are trying to get a PG rating." Deadpool replied. "But that does sound way better!"  
"No no, no killing! You can't kill people!" I said, waving my arms at him.

"Come on Spidey! You aren't with Fury now, freelancers don't got no rules!" Deadpool said.  
"I don't care, we aren't killing anyone! Look maybe we don't need to fight at all, if we could sneak in and find the list then—" I began, but before I could finish Deadpool had already begun to run straight for the wall.

"Deadpool!" I hissed. "Damn it! I hate you so damn much!"

"I know you mean loooove 3" Deadpool called doing a back flip over the wall, which I totally wasn't impressed by shut up. A second later ran over and jumped the wall myself, just in time to see Deadpool about to decapitate two guards.

"No killing!" I yelled, webbing his swords and pulling them out of hand.

"Spidey you are just no fun!" Deadpool called, round house kicking the town guards instead.

"You know these guys aren't about to follow you on the whole 'not unaliving rules'"

"That doesn't matter, I'm not someone who un alives people! Heroes don't do that!"

"Who says? Don't the police shoot people from time to time. Oh speaking of which!" Deadpool said, pulling out a large gun from his pocket.

"Only if they have to, it isn't something they do lightly!" I said, webbing up the gun and kicking two guards in the face as they tried to grab me from behind.

"Well move fool them. My way gets results. Batter up!" Deadpool replied, pulling out a bomb and pitching it towards a group of guards.

"Stop it!" I said, kicking it away. It landed a few meters away from me, in some kind of sandpit and exploded, causing a smoke screen.

"Oh great." I said coughing. This wasn't good, I couldn't see anything and I had no idea where Deadpool was. I'd have to rely on Spider sense to protect myself, but I didn't have anything that would protect the guards from Deadpool.

"Well Well." A voice said from behind me. "If it isn't Spidergirl. Come to take me up off my offer?"

"Not quite, we are here for the list!" I said, doing my best to find TaskMaster in the smoke.

"We?" TaskMaster asked stepping into view. "You seem to be very much alone."

"Well I'm not. It is me and Deadpool who is….somewhere." I said, really wishing the smoke would clear.

"Deadpool?! He is here?! Where?!" Task Master asked sounding…I really couldn't believe this…actually a little scared.

"Where is he girl!" TaskMaster asked angrily.

"If I was to guess I'd say inside stealing your list!" I responded, webbing his feet to the ground.

"Think I'll go join him." I added, heading towards the building as the smoke began to clear.

Following Deadpool proved to be pretty easy once I was inside, as the man seemed to lack the ability to shut any door behind him. I reached him just in time to see my worst fear about to come to light. Deadpool stood in front of a large computer, with a picture of Spidergirl taking up most of the screen as all my private data was about to be de-crypted.

"File at 97% de-cryption" A voice from the computer said.

"Hurry up! I wanna see this one!" Deadpool said impatiently.

"Really? Cause I don't!" I said, webbing the memory stick and pulling it out, causing the computer to flash an error message.

"Aww come on Spidey, I thought we were tight!" Deadpool whined.

"Sorry, but that is a 5th team up kind of revelation." I said, checking the memory stick over.

"Aww Spidey, it's like you don't trust me or something!" Deadpool said, pouting.

"Um, you do remember setting my parachute on fire right?" I asked.

"That was a joke!"

"It wasn't funny! I could have been seriously hurt!"

"Pfft baby"

"Eugh, look we have the file, let's just get out of here before TaskMaster shows up." I said, turning and running down the hall.

"Oh don't worry about Tasky, I can take him." Deadpool said, following me.

"Yeah sure, and could you do that without trying to..'un-alive' him?"

"What would be the fun in that?"

I sighed, it didn't look like me and Deadpool would ever agree on this whole 'un-alive' the bad guy thing, which made me wonder if I could really just let him leave after our little team up was over. I mean heroes weren't supposed to kill people, so could I really say goodbye, knowing that he would probably take the lives of hundreds of evil people, and if I did take him in and let shield deal with him, would those people he would have killed go on to murder hundred of others. Gaa my brain is not made for this sort of moral dilemma!

"Yo Spidey." Deadpool said, bringing me out of my musings. "Since we'll probably be fighting once we get outside, you maybe want to give me the file? I do have pouches after all, the only part of my design you didn't rip off."

"I told you I didn't rip you off!" I snapped "but you are right, it isn't exactly safe in my hand." I added as we reached the exit. Stopping, I was about to hand the file over to Deadpool, when my Spidersense went off.

"Get down!" I said, tackling him to the floor, just in time to dodge the lasers flying over our head.

"You alright?" I asked, looking down at Deadpool.

"Wow Spidey, didn't realise you were so forward. Be gentle with me." Deadpool replied. I jumped off him, glad my mask covered up the fact that I was blushing.

"Ok that is a mental image I do not want in my head, repress repress!" I said webbing up the laser that was about to shoot at us again and pulling Deadpool outside.

"Hi Tasky!" Deadpool called happily, waving at the man who not 2 seconds ago had tried to shoot us.

"Deadpool." TaskMaster said, throwing the laser aside and taking a fighting stance.

"Yay fighting!" Deadpool cheered.

"No killing!" I said from behind him.

"Gaa you are so naggy. 'Deadpool don't kill anyone. Deadpool don't set my parachute on fire. Deadpool stop staring at my ass.'" Deadpool moaned.

"I don't remember saying the last one."

"So I can stare at your ass?"

"No! Wait…is that why you started following behind?"

"Mayybe."

"I'm starting to route for Taskmaster" I said putting my face in my hands

Before Deadpool could respond, Taskmaster attacked. Moving incredibly fast, Taskmaster launched a high kick right for Deadpool's head, which the red and back man easily dodged. Next Taskmaster spun round and tried to hit Deadpool with a punch, but again the loudmouth boy dodged like it was nothing.

"Be careful, he can copy your moves." I said, not allowing the strong start to lure me into a false sense of security, this battle could turn any minute and I began watching for a moment to jump in myself.

"Heh, no way anybody could copy these moves, this is skill you are born with." Deadpool said beginning to do what could only be described as break dancing. Break dancing…that knocked TaskMaster right on his back, and then his front, and then his back until he seemed reluctant to stand up again.

"….What did I just see…" I said, staring at the two men in disbelief. "You defeated TaskMaster? But how?! It didn't even look like he could touch you!" I asked dumb struck.

"I told you, no one can copy these moves oo oo raise the roof." Deadpool said, continuing to dance.

"Wait…he can't copy your moves…so that's why-"

"That's why Tasky got knocked on his butt."

"Right, well you make sure he stays there. I'll call Shield." I said, unmasking my communicator.

"Ooo, what is that?" Deadpool asked, looking over my shoulder.

"This? It is a wrist communicator, I should be able to call Fury and—"

"Opps you broke it!" Deadpool said, suddenly grabbing my wrist and crushing the communicator.

"Hey! What did you do that for?" I asked pulling away.

"Because he doesn't want Shield taking the memory stick he stole!" TaskMaster said, getting to his feet.

"Wait, he stole? What about Agent Maguffin?" I asked.

"I don't know any Agent, all I know is Deadpool stole the list from Shield, and then I stole it from Deadpool. Well, I guess stole is a little strong, he left it a bathroom." Task Master said.

"Hey it was an easy mistake to make. And I mean, come on, I'd been in there eleven hours, my legs were numb! Eugh Indian food does not agree with me, healing factor or not."

"You stole the list? But why?" I asked, trying to make sense of everything in my head.

"To sell it ofcourse! You know how much that thing is worth?" Deadpool said. "The right buyer would give me millions, and I plan to start a bidding war. So, why don't you hand over the stick and I'll cut you in for ohh…10%"

"Is money all you care about? This thing is dangerous! People will get killed!" I said, taking a step back and moving into fighting stance.

"Did you really expect any less, from a mercenary?" TaskMaster asked.

"Mercenary? But you said you were a hero!" I screamed, this was bad, really bad. Why hadn't the others warned me, told me not to go with him. Was this all part of some bigger plan? Were shield agents going to jump in any moment? Or did the guys really not know that Deadpool was a bad guy?

"Hey I'm a hero for the right pay! Shield wanna cough up some big bucks to get that back, then I'm all ears, if not, then I'm gonna see how many castle Dr Doom is willing to trade for it."

"But you used to be on the team, the guys…they are your friends! You'll literally be selling them out if you sell this!" I said, trying to appeal to any shred of human decency in the bag of cats that was Deadpool's brain

"Pfft friends, I know the difference between being laughed at and laughed with. That little gang never did understand the awesomeness that is Deadpool!"

I bit my lip and thought back to my first few months with the team. They hadn't exactly been the friendliest bunch, especially not Nova, who even now could be a pain I thought about all the times I'd been the butt of the joke, and I had to admit, Deadpool's annoyance was understandable. The guys…well…sometimes the guys could be assholes, but they didn't mean to be, not really.

"Ok look…I know the guys can kind of be jerks at first. But this…you'll be putting their families in danger, their friends!"

"Oh boo hoo, if your team really cared about their families then they would be here trying to get the list back, but they aren't. They don't care, Shield doesn't care, because the fact is all you are is a solider and as long as you can do your job they don't care what else is going on." Deadpool said.

"That isn't true!" I replied, but a nagging voice in the back of mind was wondering why no one else was taking this list thing seriously.

"Look Spidey, I saw how your eyes lit up when I was talking about getting paid." Deadpool said, putting an arm around my shoulder. "So why don't I delete your identity off that little stick, sell it on, and give you enough cash to buy yourself a nice Spidercave."

For a second, I considered it. I remembered the pile of bills on Aunt May's table and the amount of photos I would have to sell to help cover them. I thought of all the pictures I'd sold to The Daily Bugel and how they'd used every one of them to bad mouth me and call me a menace. I thought about how nice it would be to leave Shield, to not have training sessions, and be able to actually hang out with Harry for a change and not have to leave him with some dumb excuse. But then I thought about all the people I'd be hurting, and I crushed the sticking into pieces in my hand.

"Whoa over kill!" Deadpool said, diving onto the floor and trying to collect all the pieces. "Somebody get my some glue, stat!"

"It is no good, you can't recover the file from that." I said, looking down at him. "It is over Deadpool, no file, no money."

"No money! Don't say such a thing!" Deadpool cried dramatically. I just rolled my eyes and turned to walk away, wondering how on earth I was going to get home without Deadpool's plane.

"There is always money to be made Spidey, you just gotta know where to look." Deadpool said from behind me, but I ignored him. I had enough of his insanity, a robot training session was looking pretty good in comparison.

"And right now, the money lies under that mask of yours." Deadpool said, drawing his swords. This got my attention.

"W-what?" I asked, turning around.

"Hey I might not be able to sell every hero's identity anymore, but I bet there are people out there who would still pay a butt load for Spidergirl's." Deadpool said.

"For once Deadpool, you are correct." TaskMaster said. "Get her identity, and we'll discuss a fee."

"Woah, now hold on." I said, backing up. "You don't want my identity, the mystery is part of my charm."

"Hm..naa I think I do. Time to catch me a spider!" Deadpool said, jumping forward and attacking. I jumped back and delivered a high kick straight to his face, throwing him back. Moving left, I shot out a webnet at Taskmaster, sticking him to the wall, the last thing I needed was him joining in on this fight.

"Come on Spidey, give it up!" Deadpool said trying to slice my mask with his sword. "Oh I bet I can guess! You are Annie Anderson, Annie Andrews, Annie Alexzander!"

"Are you just going to go through the phone book until you guess?" I asked, jumping up and webbing the swords, before pulling them out of his hands.

"No…Betty Bettington!" Deadpool replied, pulling out a gun and shooting.

"I'm pretty sure Bettington isn't a real last name, and it definitely isn't mine." I said, dodging the gun blasts.

"Isn't? Or definitely is! I'm on to you Bettington!" Deadpool said, running out of ammo and throwing the gun aside.

"You really are nuts aren't you?" I said, trying to web his feet to the floor, but he dodged and moved forward to attack again.

"Me? I'm starting to think I'm the only sane one!" Deadpool said, tackling me to the floor. "You don't want to kill, you don't want money! I don't understand you at all! Did Fury brainwash you or something?" Deadpool said, trying to pin me down.

"It isn't brainwashing, they taught me morality." I replied, headbutting him off me. "But I guess you missed that class."

"Morality? We don't all have the luxury of morality!" Deadpool growled "Did I tell you my origin story?"

"Um yeah Mom kidnapped by ninjas, we went over it." I replied getting to my feet.

"Oh that, that was just a little something I've been working on. You know, if they ever want to make a movie about me." Deadpool said.

"So it wasn't true? Shocking." I said sarcastically.

"Yeah well maybe that was more interesting, maybe that was a little better then a weird kid getting pushed around, getting hurt by people he was supposed to trust." Deadpool said, all the humour gone from his voice. "You know I bought Fury stick for a while too, but then I realised, you can play by the rules all you want but they'll always be someone waiting to break them to get what they want. So I ditched, made my own rules, hurt people a thousand times more than they hurt me and laughed at the pain all the way."

"Deadpool…" I said, as thoughts of my own past filled my head. All the bullies, all the jerks who treated me like crap, it would have been so easy for me to become like Deadpool, if not for Uncle Ben and Aunt May, but I guess Deadpool didn't have anyone like that.

"I'm sorry Deadpool." I said "I'm sorry the world has been cruel to you, I've been on the end of the raw deals life can dish out myself from time to time, so I know it sucks. But we can't use our pain to justify hurting other people, especially if they are innocent, and if I'd let you have that file, or let you pull off my mask now, I'd be putting innocent people in danger." I took my fighting stance once more. "I'm sorry Sheild weren't able to give you the help you needed, deserved, but they have helped me. They helped me become the type of person who doesn't go down easy, so if you really want my identity then come and get it but I'll bite and scratch to the last, because there is no way in hell I'm letting anyone near my friends or my family."

"Wow, nice speech" Deadpool said clapping his hands. "You know, I like your whole morality thing, it is like we are opposites. Gaaasp, we should be rivals!" he added, excitedly.

"Um…what?" I asked, unable to keep up with his moronic ramblings.

"You know, like in anime! Rivals, arch enemies, it'll be totally cool!" Deadpool replied, "Our battles with be epic, legendary, the ultimate test of our skills, strength and sexual tension you could cut with a knife! Right, yep, we are totally rivals now! And as your rival, I'm calling it."

"Calling what?"

"The fight! I'm done, I'll let your have your little victory now, but next time…next time you wont be so lucky." Deadpool said, making his voice go deep. "Or maybe you will! This could go on for years!"

"Years?!" I said, no way I could put up with Deadpool for years.

"Right, until next time Spidey! I'm gonna go home and gets some rest on my bed of moooney!" Deadpool said, strapping on a jetpack and flying off.

I stood and watched him go for a moment and then sighed.

"Well…I am 1000% done with this day" I said to myself. I needed to get home and tell Fury what had happened, and then yell at him for not warning me about Deadpool. I knew exactly what he'd say ofcourse, he'd say I hadn't been authorised to go on the mission with Deadpool and if I'd come and spoke to him before running off he would have been able to capture Deadpool there and then, so really this was all my fault. But it wasn't…not entirely. If Fury had warned me about Deadpool then I wouldn't have ended up alone on a island with him and Taskmaster. If Fury hadn't let the file get stolen then I wouldn't have met Deadpool at all. Fury had been careless, in both leaving me ill informed and not protecting the file, and this time I would get to be the one giving the lecture.


End file.
